Posted by: cocacolacoporateamerica | March 25, 2009

Oh How Scandalous! An Interview with Mr. Scat

As you all may have heard by now, there is confusion over just who exactly is the true creator of our now incredibly popular Coca-Cola Fukk. The trademark for Coca-Cola Fukk is actually owned by Yuong Ang, better known as Sneaky Pete, who is an employee at Coca-Cola. However, another employee named Scat, whose real name is Michael George Holloway, claims that he is the true creator of Coca-Cola Fukk.

We were able to secure an interview with Scat, who seemed very eager to tell his side of the story. However, our invitation to Sneaky Pete was turned down, and we were instead given a statement issued by Sneaky Pete. “Coca-Cola Fukk is a product that I developed myself, and the trademark is issued under my name, Sneaky Pete. I have in no way stolen anyone’s creative efforts. “

Mr. Scat begged to differ, and the following interview is in its original unfiltered form.

WARNING: Explicit Language. NSFW

CCCPB (Coca-Cola Company Publicity Blog): So thanks for accepting our interview request Mr. Scat.

Scat: No problem. And please, just call me Scat.

CCCPB: Haha of course. So first, start off by telling us about yourself, and just exactly where did you come up with that name.

Scat: Well, I had actually wanted to go into Law School, you know, some Ivy League thing. However, my high school counselor shattered my dreams of becoming a lawyer by telling me that I didn’t have the grades for it. I think he also ruined an excellent daydream I was having about cheerleaders as well. B*stard. Well the only school that accepted me was Cal State, which is why I ended up California. My parents moved to Iowa after they found out that the only school that accepted me was Cal State. I’m still not sure if that was a coincidence. I was late to my registration, and the only class they managed to get my sorry-*ss into a marketing class, and that changed my life forever. To me, marketing is like the world’s largest religion, and completely, utterly corrupt. But people don’t see it like that. Perception is Reality. Remember that. Marketing also hates systems, which is nice and carefree, but it makes it a huge pain in the *ss to get a job. In order to get a job in marketing, you have to market yourself, which is how I gave myself the name Scat. I had toyed around with calling myself Mr. Pretentious, but Scat sounded more fast track and sane.

CCCPB: Wow. That’s one hell of a story. Now tell us, did you really develop Fukk? And how did you come up with the idea, and if you did, why the hell do you not own the trademark?

Scat: Oh. Well, I read somewhere that the average adult has three million dollar ideas per year. I just thought to myself if I could just make one of those ideas a reality, I would be set for life. And on my birthday, January 7th, at ten past two, I get an idea. It is f*cking brilliant. It is Coca-Cola Fukk. And yes, Fukk is my idea, not Sneaky Pete’s. Sneaky Pete is a shifty, backstabbing little son of a b*tch. But I’ll get to that later. The funny thing is, at the time, I thought Sneaky Pete was the coolest person I’ve ever met. He was actually my roommate. He was a quiet kind of person, and but had a bad*ss history. Supposedly he was a wild child of marketing, going through Japan reviving brand after brand before coming to the US. He’s actually a fresh marketing graduate from Singapore who has never worked in his life, and the most valuable possession is a crumpled little book called Through American Eyes: The Asian Stereotype. He attended the Guandong Technical School, where he managed bare passing grades. Despite all of this, he was a good friend and roommate so I obviously turned to him for help with Fukk. He introduces me to the absolutely ravishing 6, who is currently my partner in the summer campaign. 6 is also currently hiding her desire for me under a charade of lesbianism. No. Seriously. Anyways, in all the excitement, I forget that I did not actually get the trademark for Fukk, and I remember this when I am offered 3 million dollars by Coca-Cola for the trademark. By the time I get to the patent office, I realize that Sneaky Pete already trademarked Fukk, and its not officially his. I basically just p*ssed three million dollars into the wind through sheer stupidity. After that I basically threw myself out of the apartment, and have since been through a few stints of homelessness. Sadly.

CCCPB: Oh ouch. I don’t really want to say this but. You’re a dumb*ss you know that?

Scat: Yeah, I know. If I was smart I would be in Law School, not sitting here in front of you and participating in this interview.

CCCPB: Touche. But have you read the statement Sneaky Pete just released? He claims that Coca-Cola Fukk was his own idea, and that he did not steal anyone’s ideas.

Scat: And that of course, is complete bullshit. He completely stole my idea. Just ask 6! She was the first one to hear my idea and give it the OK to show the Board of Directors. Sneaky Pete has a fucked up moral system. He won’t screw me over for money, but he will betray me for business. It kind of makes sense, but not really.

CCCPB: Well have you seen or tried Coca-Cola Fukk? What do you think?

Scat: I think its amazing. The can looks absolutely stunning, and the extra-carbonization idea is great. You know that the Coke inside is just plain old Coke? There is no new flavor or formula. It only tastes “better’ because of all the hype. Perception is Reality. But whatever, I just wish it was mine.

CCCPB: Well now that you got shafted on Coca-Cola Fukk, what are you doing now for Coca-Cola?

Scat: Well like I said earlier I am currently working with 6 on the new Coca-Cola Summer Campaign. Its kind of a doomed project with an impossible deadline with no tangible reward, but we’re giving it our best shot.

CCCPB: Wow. Good luck with that. I just want to say thanks for having this interview with us, and I hope that we will be able to talk again in the near future.

Scat: Sure no problem. To all you fans out there, just keep your eyes open for the new Coca-Cola summer campaign. Its bound to have my handiwork in there somewhere.

Just a heads up to you faithful subscribers, we’re having a Coca-Cola Summer Ad Campaign contest! Just send in your ideas, and the winners will receive free Coca-Cola vintage posters! The deadline is coming up really fast so don’t be late with your entries!

This is just one of the many posters that are being offered as a prize! Who can resist a Coca-Cola poster with a scantily clad woman on it? Exactly. So hurry up with those entries!

Just one of the many posters you could win!

Just one of the many posters you could win!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: